This is going to be a bit rambly, I'm trying to organize my thoughts, here.

On a game (a MUsh, think an online tabletop,) I play, there's a nice girl.  She's naive as hell and very, very sweet, and hasn't yet learned the tough lessons of how much information to give out about herself online and when to cut someone off at the knees.  It's fair, some women never learn that, and from my lofty height of 40, I look at some of the things I did in my 20s and I'm grateful that I chose wisely for male friends.  (I had the kind of friends who, when I went to a party where there were joints being passed around, they'd be offered to me and my friends would yell "No, she's too young, pass it here."  I'd already said no thanks, but my friends wouldn't let me be pressured into anything I said no to.)

There are a few players in the story I'm about to tell.  There's This Naive Girl, call her N.  There's The Creeper, just known as C.  There's the Two Headstaffers, T and L, both female.  And there's another woman, R.  (R because I am looking at a Rick Riordan book.)  There are various and sundry others in this story, as well, but this is the major cast of characters.  Also, here, have a definition: powerposing.  It means posing without clearing the action with the other person, or even giving them a heads up.  It's generally considered rude as hell, and bad role-playing.

N is, as aforementioned, sweet and naive.  And she was chatting with C.  C got mildly creepy at her, then powerposed picking her up and putting her on his lap and molesting her, in the guise of 'comforting the grieving widow', as her IC husband died recently.  (C has already tried his shit on with numerous other women who did not mention it because his behavior ranged from mildly creepy to pretty creepy, but for female gamers, reporting this shit doesn't happen often, anymore than reporting real life rape happens half as often as it should.)  He powerposed undoing her shorts and being dominant and predatory and "YOU WANT MY COMFORT."

Ok, that.  Right there.  WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?  (Obvious answer: the creeper.)  But under what circumstances is it ever ok to venture into this kind of RP without checking to make sure it's ok or TALKING IT OUT BEFOREHAND?  Seriously, this is the kind of thing where communication is key, and you constantly check to make sure the other person is ok.  I won't say rape RP never happens or is even unwanted, some people like it.  But they communicate it clearly and constantly, too.  To the point where you almost wish they'd shut up about it.  Also, there are a lot of games where this is a no-fly zone because it just causes too many problems.

Anyway, back to the story.  N said no. It was a no with a reason,  and C ignored it.   And C kept pushing.  And asked her OOCly if they could RP him raping her.  And then, in pages, talked to her about making another alt so they could RP having sex.  And then asked for a retcon, a magic eraser to pretend it never happened.  Which means he knows he did something very wrong.  And all of this is a pattern of behavior, he was trying to keep her as a friend so he could claim it was all good.  Here's the problem.  It wasn't.

Now, in the past, she's been friends with him.  He got her personal information out of her: her name, her location.  She sent him some pics of herself, (fully dressed, no cleavage, but it was cosplay, so there was a pinup posture.)  And she's the kind of person who doesn't want to report when someone gets creepy on her, because she usually thinks she's at fault. And she didn't report it.

But a friend of hers, who was furious on her behalf, posted the problem in a fairly notorious forum, without her permission.  Headstaff at the game took one look and said, "Uh...lodge a complaint and send logs, please.  This is serious."  (There are three headstaffers.  One of them was taking care of this issue, T.)  And T read the logs and proceeded to bully N into second-guessing herself and taking the blame and backtracking.  T was victim-blaming and slut-shaming all over the place to N, and had "a talk" with C, in spite of the fact that he's pulled this on numerous people.  T gave C a slap on the wrist and said if he did it again, he'd have a time-out.  Meanwhile, the forum is savaging N, who is humiliated and embarrassed and thinks people won't RP with her because she 'cries rape'.

R found out about this.  R is someone who can handle herself, so when C pulled his creeper shit on him, she said, very clearly, "You're making me uncomfortable, this isn't ok."  She was reasonable and sensible.  But when she found out what was going on, she put in a complaint about what had happened to her.  Because once is an accident, twice is coincidence, three times is a pattern, and C has bothered at least four women that I know of.  And T promplty dropped the ball. And then used L as a mouthpiece to try to make it all seem reasonable and sane that someone is being a sexual predator and no one's doing anything about it.

This isn't the kind of behavior that should be tolerated.  Women already don't report this kind of sexual predation in droves, because of victim-blaming.  It doesn't help that L's husband is also victim-blaming ON THE FORUM.

There's not a lot I can do about the entire situation.  I am doing what I can: being supportive of the brave women who are coming forward, letting N know that I think she's brave, that I'm proud of her, that she did not ask, in any way, shape or form to be frightened and worried that this guy knows where she is and won't take 'no' for an answer, or that she won't be able to play on a game she loves because people will think she's the kind of person who 'cries rape.'  I'm being supportive of R, and giving her ideas on how to deal with the situation, but mostly, I'm raging impotently.

If this isn't resolved in any satisfactory way, I'll probably end up leaving this game.  A lot of us will be, in droves.  Because how do you stay when you know that 2/3 of the top headstaff are women who will throw you under the bus if something predatory happens?  You don't, if you have any good conscience at all.
The moral of this story?  "No means no" doesn't go far enough.  "No means /stop/.  Silence isn't consent.  Only a yes is a yes.  Gentlemen already know this.  Creepers don't, and they exploit that there aren't enough gentlemen out there, and that women are scared to come forward.



erisiansaint: (Default)

Most Popular Tags

Powered by Dreamwidth Studios

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags