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1) I strongly suspect my job is going away in a year or two. I'm getting my resume ready.
2) Somebody I love and trust just threw me under the bus and I'm so angry I'm close to tanking a 20 year friendship over it. On the other hand, she's also defending people that I think are some of the vilest people in my hobby and if I even discuss this with her, I will make her cry. (In a year or two, I'll likely be sorry that I didn't discuss it with her, but I'm also a firm believer in "you're known by your friends" and if that's who she chooses to defend, fuck it. I have one friend she doesn't like that I won't give up. She's got about 20.) I am not subtle when I'm angry and anything I could say would be truly hurtful to her and I know she's having a tough time mentally and emotionally right now so I'm trying not to make her more upset...but I wish she'd do me that same fucking courtesy. Nor am I the only person she threw under the bus with that argument she made.
2a) Another thing about this situation that's upsetting me is this: a lot of the people she's defending got banned because the at-the-time admin asked a lot of people to stop talking about something to save my friend's mental health because she was not, at the time, able to handle the entire argument. Even when these people were told, "this is the reason, without names attached," they wouldn't stop. Even when my friend came on herself to say "this was why," THEY WOULDN'T STOP. (It was a real howler monkey toddler temper tantrum going on.) And she's still defending them. If I were to go to her and say, "Y'know, it was your mental health Gany was trying to save and you just lied and claimed that it was for some other reason altogether," she'd either deny it or feel shitty and it would send her into a spiral. Which means, yet again, in consideration of her, I can't do that. I can't even fucking defend myself and I hate this. I hate it enough that I'm considering ghosting her because I've had it. These people can't even name me, most times, they think I'm just someone's minion or sockpuppet and have no mind of my own. But they'll certainly bully me and lie. They're good at it. (Really pernicious people.)
2b) This is having the consequence of me rethinking having Thanksgiving in a group setting this year. I'd rather stay home and have it with my sister and roommate.Or just my sister, if my roommate wants to go see my friend instead. Which has been a longstanding tradition. And one I really want to skip this year, although I don't think I'll say that to my roommate just yet.
I'll talk about it with my sister on Saturday. And she'll get really furious on my behalf and I'll remember that online isn't really very important but right now, I want to cry and I have a headache.
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